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When a partner sends a video, it’s often less about the video and more about connection. In Gottman research, this is called a bid for connection: a small reach for attention, support, or shared meaning. How we respond to these everyday bids shapes the emotional climate of the relationship over time. Repeatedly turning away from bids can lead to negative sentiment override, where partners feel more guarded, reactive, and disconnected. Turning toward, even in small ways, helps partners feel seen,
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When a partner sends a video, it’s often less about the video and more about connection. In Gottman research, this is called a bid for connection: a small reach for attention, support, or shared meaning. How we respond to these everyday bids shapes the emotional climate of the relationship over time. Repeatedly turning away from bids can lead to negative sentiment override, where partners feel more guarded, reactive, and disconnected. Turning toward, even in small ways, helps partners feel seen,
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In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains that it’s not really about having too many bids for connection. The real problem is when only one person’s bids seem to count. Your needs matter just as much as your partner’s. “Can we talk for a few minutes?” is a bid. “Can you sit with me?” is a bid. “I need 30 minutes to myself” is a bid too. You’re allowed to ask for connection. You’re allowed to ask for space. Both are valid, and both deserve to be heard. | The Gottman Institute
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In this clip, Dr. John Gottman explains that it’s not really about having too many bids for connection. The real problem is when only one person’s bids seem to count. Your needs matter just as much as your partner’s. “Can we talk for a few minutes?” is a bid. “Can you sit with me?” is a bid. “I need 30 minutes to myself” is a bid too. You’re allowed to ask for connection. You’re allowed to ask for space. Both are valid, and both deserve to be heard. | The Gottman Institute
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Knowing when your loved one is trying to connect with you isn’t always intuitive. On Small Things Often, we’ll explain why you need to know your bids for connection and take you through the different types of bids so you can create healthy interactions in your relationship. Listen to the Small Things Often episode "What Is a Bid for Connection?": http://bit.ly/SmallThingsOften | The Gottman Institute
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In this video, Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman show how responding to (or ignoring) small bids for attention can make or break connection over time. Turning toward each other, even with the small stuff, strengthens your relationship. 💬 How do you usually respond when your partner tries to connect? #GottmanMethod #BidsForConnection #RelationshipTips #TurnToward #EmotionalIntimacy #EverydayLove | The Gottman Institute
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Dr. John Gottman calls bids for connection the small, everyday moments that build or break a relationship. A shared laugh, a gentle touch, even a simple question or pointing out a bird. These are all ways we seek connection with our partners. The key? How we respond. Turning toward bids strengthens trust and intimacy, while turning away can create distance over time. Want to learn how to recognize and respond to bids for connection? Watch the full video on our youtube channel. https://youtu.be/o
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